|| Neon Lenore, Never say 'Nevermore' ||

|| I think I understand things better now ... |

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 21:08:12 GMT

In wicked light, our sickl’d shadow informs us of our knowledge.
In wicked light, only the strong survive and the weak will wallow.
In wicked light, one must bear a cross, and what a cross to bear.
In wicked light, the light is damned ... the darkness wouldn’t dare.
In wicked light, the saints are daemons, and those of nature roam free.
In wicked light, only then can one truly feel free.

|| Is that blood up your nose? ||

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 20:35:11 GMT

Randy had ISS for 3 days now. It's been weird. It's funny because the day he finally gets out, Dustin has to start. Bad timing, yea?

HUGO'S BACKKKKK!!!

Three cheers and one more for the road.
Tis a great great thing, indubitably.
I'm so bored right now. Erica was supposed to come with me to the library but then she got called out of the office to go to the doctor's. Damn them professionals. What are they thinking trying to make people feel better!??? Sheesh.
Anyways.
Uhh.
I had a point ...
Lost it.
Damn.
I added some poems to my 'bloodiedsin' website. They are some pretty old ones. Oh well, I needed to post and that seemed fitting.
Mom went to New Orleans today. It's funny because she going to have guards there from the national GUARD! That's how bad it is in New Orleans. Everybody has to have a guard. That is sad.
She is supposed to be coming back on Monday night.
I got a pickle today.
It twas tres tres sour and not sweet at all. Oh welly well. It twas good. Oh yes, was it good.
Hugo ate the rest....
Did I mention hugo was back?

----------++++ || Dee LiLi Dee || ++++-------------

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 20:25:07 GMT

Banner I made. It makes me happy. A title of something I wrote was "Neon Lenore, Never say Nevermore" and I really liked it. I never like anything I write, so I decided to celebrate by making it filled with pretty-osity.

|| I am going to be famous ... I don't know why [ how ] yet ||

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 17:04:01 GMT

Journal entry ( Real journal, not LJ... just documentation )
October 25, 2005

I think today is going to be bad. So far, at school at least, it hasn't been bad ... but then again- it's only 3rd period. I know i'm going to lose hugo and carl as friends [[ edit: Surprisingly, I didn't ]]. -I don't care about what jo or angela thinks.-
I shouldn't have freaked out like that. My reasons were justified but my actions weren't. I was just scared. I really couldn't help it. No excuse. It was bad. As long as I don't lose Dustin or Randy, I'm fine.
I don't really care about angela or carl. Carl is a friend ... but I know it's not going to last. It's a high school 'friendship' through association. [ harsh as it may be ... this isn't a personal attack ... both really good people ] but it can be annoying sometimes and I don't like being around them so much outside of school. [Carl doesn't talk, so not so much]. I don't know. Everything is so confusing and out of line ... which is good becasue I need a change ... I just wish reality wouldn't be so harsh ALL the time. I'm going to get a journal. I'm tired of my thoughts being lost in random places. My journal [current] is missing in action, and that makes me sad. No surprise, really - I don't think I would ever allow myself to be happy. I'm a hypocrite. As randy would say "A hippy crypt." IT's ok, nobody pays attention.

I commited suicide last hour ... i'm not sure why i'm still ere. I thought today was going to be bad ... and it was. I'm not looking forward to 7th hour. It's going to suck b/c me and angela have alot of shit going one. I want to wring her neck sometimes. [current situation, if you don't know what's going on, don't comment]. Not sure why. I have theories ... I don't know. I'm not that clsoe to her, so to have her around all the time seems pointlessly annoying. I just want everyone to go away. It would probably be easier to just say I wish I would go away, but I don't want to sound like the sterotypical goth. Because apparently [even though I look nothing the part] in the eyes of this stupid school, that's what I am ... A goth. Yeah...
I'm another "black" statistic. Cheers.
++ I DON'T CARE ++
My 'favorite' wors apparently. I think they are good words. They represent apathy well.

Later that day...
Called my mom after school, like she told me to. Hypocrite. She screamed a sing-a-long of "Fuck-you's, fuck-ups" and any other insult that you can think of. She needlessly continued to scream about how miserable I am and how bad I am [ even though i'm never around ]. {{Don't deny it}} And how, while she's screaming obscentities, insults, and threats, SCREAMS that she's never RAISED her voice at me. Oh, that's rich. I hate it. I'm sick of life. A repeative idea that often escapes my mind. It makes me sick. Jenny texted me today. She wants me [randy, dusting, carl and hugo] to come up to joplin to see/hang out with some local metal bands. I don't see that in the future. Terri [mom] wouldn't let us. I'll stay locked up in my room like a good little bitch [I mean't girl]. Maybe then I wouldn't 'dissapoint' her ...
Beside the point.
I was so happy that jenny called. I needed that. Just to know that she at atleast still thinks about me from time to time [it makes me feel really grateful]. She was my best friend. As corny as it sounds ... she was like my sister. I'll try to convince terri to let us go. Hell - she says she wants to kick us out. I hope not. Again ... cheesy as it sounds [[ edit:: Whats up with food references to all things that are lame, that's cheesy, that' corny ... have you noticed that? ]] - I couldn't leave bebe or dakota. Beebe is like my kid. She's my baby. She's everything ... I don't think I could leave her. My mom said she would never allow me to live with randy ... when i'm 18 ,,, she can kiss my ass. oddly enought, that's what she told me to do today on the phone.
So that leads me to where I am not ... Barnes Nobles for hours. I don't mind. I get to read and be out of the house [And admire the journals and books I could never afford]. I twould make me happy if I wasn't so fucking depressed all the goddamned time.
I'm done.
I'm going to see if these old broads will buy me something to drink ...

"Mommy, is he going to die?"

Just a thought for the day: Why do people consider 0 to be insignificant/nonexistent? Why does the number 0 only matter when it become a part of something bigger. 0=nothing. 100=something. Maybe 0 is the highest number = infinity - but we are too arogant to accept that.

|| The clarity made me feel all fuzzy inside ||

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 16:48:06 GMT

It's still getting worse after everything I've tried.
What if I found a way to wash it all aside.
What if she touches with those fingertips,
As the words spill out like fire from her lips?

[Chorus:]
And if she says come inside I'll come inside for her.
If she says give it all I'll give everything to her.
I am justified. I am purified. I am sanctified. Inside you

Heaven's just a rumor she'll dispel.
As she walks me through the nicest parts of hell.
I still dream of lips I never should have kissed.
Well she knows exactly what I can't resist

[Chorus]

I'm still caught up in another of her spells.
While she's turning me into someone else.
Everyday I hope and pray this will end.
But when I can I do it all again

[Chorus]

As surely as the blade's course is run.
Maybe my kingdom's finally come.

|| 152 signatures and counting for a modernized death row ||

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 06:57:15 GMT

This is yet another livejournal for me, Liana. That makes three now I think:
+Bloodiedsin
+PlatonicDeath
and now ...
+Neon_Lenore

I'm going to use this as a dream journal ... just one I use to record my dreams/ hallucinations because I have been having really fucked up ones lately. I'm still working on it, so that's why it's not all done yet. I might use this journal for other things to, like random thoughts, ect. I don't know, whatever.

Here's some pictures, just because I am bored.